When I was not 18 to Paras, the Cold War was still raging. Or should we say, he Lifeless Frozen? Anyway, it was blissful times for our trainers imbecile, because they could rely on a clear enemy. "We in Austria are the first bulwark of defense of the free world," shouted our lieutenant. "Every shot, a Russian!" Yelled as Wehrmann Pichler, and promptly got a weekend curfew. This was the first time he struck me. Pichler was a great gawk, broad in the shoulders, but of strangely soft joints. In his red hair shone a pale dead face, in the loose skin always nested some pustules. They had white or yellow tips, so you felt like to express them. After the two-month basic training, I pushed with Pichler Struber watch in the barracks, in urban areas Salzburg is located close to the state mental hospital. Originally I had intended only as a guard replacement, but a guard soldier was killed in a car accident the obligatory Paras and I came to the train. How Pichler and the others I chose the guard pushing, because the 24 - slash - 48-hour cycle. Less Paras did not work. They had only one problem: not being able to sleep. Two men were sitting up front, one slept on a cot - four hours. He could not sleep at the appointed time, he slept not at 24h. And then he had just 48 hours free. Because they wanted to sleep either. Accordingly, one could see from the laundry if you live ammunition in the morning with his rifle when the civilian employee of the barracks, Coming from the comfort of his private life at the gate poured in, painted in red and white, stood guard house. It was always tired, if you just was not sleeping with it. To wegzudösen not if you had to stay awake, so they drank coffee, read others, smoked like chimneys, or listened to radio.
Pichler was a special case. He expected to stay awake. He had graduated in mathematics, with very good, as he stressed, had also taken part in many a competition, dealing with numbers compared with the use of a violin virtuoso on his instrument and ... in short, he loved the arithmetic, as sin . One day I was sitting with Pichler front in the guard room. It was late at night. The barriers were down, the locked main gate was in the light of a lantern. Rear snoring Schneider, the third man a simpleton from the country. Pichler began to pen and paper to create handle. He raised the nonsense of tasks-all from the head angle function calculations, and Infinitesimalzeugs Differentialschmuhfu, and integral stuff ... Those brain acrobatics just that I had when fresh Schulabrecher so thick. Quite different Pichler. He was extremely sharp computing. Even his hand darted across the paper, which was filled with numbers and signs, as they rained down on. Sometimes he paused briefly, thinking, figures whispered, muttered syllables, and even sped back to the pencil. He was in how I distrust watched more and more lively. And while I had a vision of a foaming glass of beer, he seemed quite drunk alone at his numbers can be! I thought that was unfair. So it could go no further! I said. "Pichler - but let the computer shit"
"Why - I like this or I go gaga"
"it all go gaga with this club.. To fight it is pointless. What brings you this, that you solve this trigonometric functions? What is that since its the way? "I pointed to a crazy doodle that could be the best will in no mathematical symbols.
"What?"
"Well, this scribble."
"A rock. I calculate his Height without have access to its base. "
" Huh? How can you have no access to his base? "
" Well, there is no trespassing. "
" Where? "
Pichler, annoyed by my question scribbled quickly a sign with the words" no trespassing "at the base of the rock.
"Well, good, but what we gegegn that help the Russians?" I joked.
"seed whom" other, Pichler said.
"Well, well, seriously. How are we going then, "
" Well just - by trigonometric functions. Sine, cosine ... "
And tangent, yes, stay away from me so that shit. When we go drinking at last one? You wanted me to show some pubs. "
" Yes, yes, tomorrow ... "
" Tomorrow? Then I'll stay in the barracks, drive home, do not we pour us one in the collar. In civilian clothes. "
Yes," said Pichler and his hand began to flit back. I watch him for a while, listened as he whispered to his charms and was finally defeated me. When he at 4 clock, was sleeping in the series, he had filled two dozen leaves, tossed restlessly on his bed ... and could not sleep. Schneider kept me company now. To not talk to him about the agricultural sector, where he worked, must, I pretended that I though I read would. But the letters of the tape that I had with me, "Eckermann, Conversations with Goethe" blurred, before my eyes. With the words, "What are you reading?" It suddenly took on the cutter. "Ah ...«, he did know-all. "Eckermann, conversations with," he put his finger on the name "... Go-ethe. "He actually spoke the syllables from separately! Ethe-Go! Shaking his head, I stared out of the barriers.
The last hour before our lunch release came, I was in the red and white houses out there. Not long and a graying man came up to me. He smiled. The smell of danger. Did I imagine, at least.
on Sun you speak English? "smiled the man Was there something wrong? Suddenly, a man in a long robe and with fixed stare joined me at the bar and had not been and will not move to leave. Then it was the officer from service a chair brought out and the man had set himself: "He's from the state mental hospital. We know, he does often. I've already called. The fetch him at once, "my officer had said. "So no reason to shoot him?" Had asked me. It should have been a joke, but the officer had looked at me aghast. The man here, however, seemed quite healthy. But he looked at me continue and I had the suspicion he might be an English patient of the state mental hospital.
"English?" I asked innocently.
He: "Yeah. Do you speak english? "
" Eh, yeah. A little bit, "he
". Oh, that's good. I was here, too. Like you in this house. After the war. In 45 Everything the same. It's all the same. I was in the Army, U.S.. Army. Forty-five. "
" Aha, "said I came to the conclusion, not dealing with a real tourist and a state mental hospital inmates to have. He looked through the fence on the administration building and I left him alone with his memories. Had he started photographing, I would have it, according to regulations, by moving to - well, not by moving the same, but frightened. With shouts and shots. Or him shoot the camera from his hand. But of course I would have let him take as many photos as he wanted to. For what did I care about the club imbecile? To hell with the Cold War. Each beer was more important to me! But the Americans knew what was proper. He photographed it and I was not forced to do so, but I do not see it. He just stood and stared in front of the barriers to the administrative buildings over. The window of the guard-room opened, and Schneider said: "Do you need help, Kinaski"
You, no tailor. I have everything under control. Relax, read ... a little in Go-ethe ... I can only recommend. "Schneider concluded vaguely insulted the window. But wait! As a tear glistened in the eyes of Americans? He looked long at the building. Then he pulled himself together and smiled and said. "Goodby," "So long, I replied. On the other side of the street, he ascended, as I now saw, a fairly mundane car. So he has achieved something, I thought. Having thus umgenietet us so many German, he has achieved something. It could just as well be reversed. A German could have umnieten him, I spun on the idle thoughts, and the German would be today with a swanky car . Chauffeured around Only he would consider any military barracks in the U.S., he would ...
"Who was that?" Schneider was adjusted fully, lined up for release ritual.
"An American."
"Fuck Amy," said Schneider, farted and took his place. "How was the Go-ethe?" I asked.
"I so do not read shit. And in general. You and Pichler. I do not like you. You believe to be a little better. "
" Stay short time, Schneider I have shit. "
I unloaded the gun, holding the barrel in the sand box, and entered the police station. Relieved, I said, "So now we are nearly there. Then, drunk! Yes, dammit, Pichler! You calculate yes again. In broad daylight. "
I snatched him the paper with the Kritzelfelsen and the sign" no trespassing "and he jumped up. But he threw himself not to me but ripped a full magazine from his hip pocket, put it in his gun and aimed at me.
"Now you are due, Kinaski. It is enough, "he yelled. I took full recovery as fast as never before in my young life, and that when I threw myself under the bed. Pichler I heard laughing and take the magazine out again. My pump was pounding as I straightened up. Pichler was back at the table as if nothing had happened, and grinned. I looked at his gun, the back leaning against the wall. Pichler put the magazine back in the bag.
"And you're sure you do not have any?" I asked myself knocking the dust off the uniform.
"Certainly ...«, Pichler said, grinning. "And today is drunk," he added. "After I've grown at home. Let's say in the meeting drei clock Müllner Bräu? "I nodded. I could only hope that he was unarmed.
2
The second part is quickly told. Pichler and I were already in Müllnerbräu blotto. Against 19h Clock we stumbled, raucous, and giggling like children, continue to Augustinerbräu. There we threw up in a comradely Eintracht down the toilet. I'd told Pichler the matter with Schneider, and kept shouting: "Go-ethe! Go-ethe, "what Pichler was extremely funny. As
Pichler wanted me to tell a joke mathematician, I waved him off. "Pichler, no! We are so gloriously drunk, "
he insisted. .?. "Well, well, out with it,"
"Like a mathematician catches a lion in the desert"
"Do not know"
"He sits in a cage, and defined: is out here," I smiled politely, but the joke had done its work, because Pichler roared with laughter. When he had recovered, he said, "I have one more. not "
" Pichler, we prefer to drink, Miss, two Stiegl, "
" The "is always short, insisted Pichler. "Well, then, go shoot," I said and looked at him meaningfully.
"If a mathematician in a photo shop. He: Madam, I would like to develop this film. They have very, good. Nine times thirteen? He: 117 why "Pichler laughed and kept yelling suddenly hand over his mouth. He looked at them. Some were in them puke. He dropped under the table and wiped his hand on the tablecloth. Finally
took me Pichler in a special bar, he said. She was tight, red lights and as soon as we sat, two hostesses joined us. They attacked us in the crotch. We invited for a glass of champagne. Mine drank her quickly.
"Would you then asked another ...«, I, the drinks in his hand and froze. If I paid my small beer and its even smaller champagne, I was broke. The drink prices were here as in the brothel. I got up abruptly and went to Pichler. Moment, Puff?
"Let's get out of pay and Pichler. Here we are yes except as the idiots. "Pichler obeyed without a will in drunkenness. Outside in the narrow, cobblestone street, I cried!
"That was a Scheißpuff, Pichler"
I know, " Pichler groaned and sat down exhausted on the sidewalk.
"Where we still only have our shit pay. And now the tide is out. Why did you want in there? We could continue to drink for three hours, "
" I'm serving, "moaned Pichler.
"But I do not. Why did you want in there? "
" Well, because of the women. The fall from such a beautiful "
I touched his head." Pichler, that's the last one. Since cross I love myself, and for five sauf beer! ? Do you have coal, "Pichler shook his head and said:
" were used a lot cheaper. The have become so very expensive, so I did not expect. "
end
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